Finding Gratitude with Chronic Pain
Finding Gratitude with Chronic Pain … Keep ReadingFinding Gratitude with Chronic Pain
Finding Gratitude with Chronic Pain … Keep ReadingFinding Gratitude with Chronic Pain
A little less social media, a little less internet connection…and a lot more of the present moment. … Keep ReadingGetting Quieter
The black gooey potion I swallowed to go on a Shamanic Journey – and the truth that was revealed … Keep ReadingThe Journey
Today I bought a new surfboard. A surfboard for starting over. Ironically it is almost identical to my very first surfboard seven years ago almost to the day. … Keep ReadingStarting Over
I do want a partner. But first I want to be unafraid to be me. … Keep ReadingAm I Incapable of a Relationship?
Who am I if I can’t go back to who I was? Who am I without my body? … Keep ReadingRe-Injured and Wanting to Give up
The project is ending but the story is far from over. To be honest, I’m relieved. This was a ton of work. I enjoyed the work of course. But I’m also evolving so quickly I seemed to outgrow it before I finished publishing all the episodes. Let me explain with an analogy. When I first left for my road trip in mexico I brought with me a single fin longboard and two egg shaped mid length board. If you are not familiar with boards, none of these are built for high performance or critical waves. But the more I surfed the more I progressed and I found I wanted a shortboard for more maneuverability. So I traded one of my boards in. But I took way too big of a leap and the board was too hard to ride. So I traded that board in for something in the middle. But then I started surfing different types of waves, bigger and more hollow waves. That called for a gun surfboard. But then I got sick of being beat up all the time so went to surf some point break. I needed a fish surfboard there. My quiver of boards was constantly changing, two steps forward, then one step back. As I progressed or my circumstances changed I constantly needed to change equipment. And now I’ve both progressed and changed. What I see is still a lot of ego and immaturity in my writing. And I think any writer or creator would say the same about their earlier work. But it … Keep ReadingSo What’s Next?
Life is just life. It’s made up of a million trillion little moments of looking out of barrels, of hearts connecting at an atomic level–and of flat tires on the freeway and washing vomit from my face. … Keep ReadingEpisode 47: I Hoped it Would End Differently
I can risk it all. I can trust where I’ve been, looking back and seeing how the universe has prepared me perfectly for this moment. I can take the leap when the opportunity comes. If I fail…. … Keep ReadingEpisode 46: Back to Mex
I can’t control the speed at which recovery happens. I hate myself for mistreating myself. So I mistreat myself for hating myself. Give it up. … Keep ReadingEpisode 45: The Eating Disorder Never Really Goes Away
So that’s day one. I don’t know what to make of it. But I’ll take it! … Keep ReadingEnergy Healing: Day 1
I’m about to go take my first dose of everything. I can’t wait to see what happens. I’ll be sharing any and all results as they take place. Thanks for joining my journey!
… Keep ReadingEnergy Healing with Herbs
I’m an awful surfer. I’m an awful human. Why do I even try? I should just give up on surfing, and life, before I embarrassed myself further. … Keep ReadingEpisode 44: Bali Baby
What will I do if I am…dare I use the word…disabled? What if the best I can hope for is to be able to manage my pain enough to make it through normal daily tasks? … Keep ReadingDevastated
I hadn’t meant to get attached to him. Nor had he meant to get attached to me. And yet, we had found it difficult to spend more than twenty-four hours apart. He was too old for me and I was too free-spirited for him … Keep ReadingEpisode 43: North Shore Romance
If waves are women, then Sunset is the alpha female. My first paddle out at Sunset Beach took finding my bravest self. … Keep ReadingEpisode 42: On a Beach in Hawaii
But even as I write this pain shoots, my muscles throb and a tear wets my eye … Keep ReadingPhysical Pain isn’t as Bad as the Story I Tell Myself About the Pain
My messed up relationship with my body created both an eating disorder and a back injury. They are one in the same. I used control and self inflicted pain, “mind over matter” in order to accomplish a goal: Control my body.
… Keep ReadingThe Root Cause of My Injury is the Same as My Eating Disorder
What if they see through my act the same way I am now seeing through it? What if they have been seeing through it all along and laughing at me behind my back? … Keep ReadingEpisode 41: The Come Down
That wave established rhythm for me. I was high, in a flow state. I was surfing for pure joy, and surfing far better than I expected. … Keep ReadingEpisode 40: The Pay Off
I really don’t know how much is too much. So I constantly have to check in. I’m starting to understand my body in a whole new way. … Keep ReadingIn Conversation with my Body: The Feedback Loop
A journal entry that was never meant for public viewing. The most honest version of myself. … Keep ReadingMy Uncensored Thoughts
Food connects me. Sex connects me. Surfing connects me. Writing connects me. But I’m already connected without any of these things. I’m connected because I Am. … Keep ReadingI am an Addict
I waited for the doctor to make thirteen stitches in my torn up lip. My teeth had ripped through. The doctor set my nose at straight as it would get… I wanted him there with me. But we had separated months ago … Keep ReadingEpisode 39: Ego Induced Injuries
You are too old, you are too fat, you are too broke. You are not a natural athlete, you needed more friends in your life, no man will ever want you if prioritize surfing above relationships. … Keep ReadingEpisode 38: Doubt
“Hunger is the feeling of being Skinny” got replaced with a subconscious mantra, “Choking for air is the feeling of surfing big waves” … Keep ReadingEpisode 37: Control Freak
My heart rate had slowed to 33 BPM. It had been four minutes and twenty-five seconds since my last breath. I had learned to control my body so well, I could control my heart rate. … Keep ReadingEpisode 36 – Heart Rate 33 BPM, Whole new level of control
One day I took a hammer to my scale. Three weeks later I bought a new one. One day I hid the scale and didn’t get it out for weeks. Then I stepped on a scale at a friends house. I left the party early because I could stand to have my fat disgusting self around happy people. … Keep ReadingScales are for Fishes
Dear Hunger:
You’re the worst lover ever. You use me. You want a sensory explosion but you don’t care the cost to me. Crunch, glide, pop, lick, sniff, sizzle. You want to feel! But I want to feel too! I want to feel free. … Keep ReadingHunger is Poetry
Learning to drop my heart rate to 33, the trick! … Keep ReadingEpisode 36 Behind the Scenes: Control Freak
Every problem I had been fighting to control had vanished. Now I had a new problem: there were no problems. I realized my new struggle: Surf Puerto Escondido … Keep ReadingEpisode 35: Learning to surf de verdad
Becoming a minimalist was NOT an easy choice! … Keep ReadingEpisode 35 Behind the Scenes: Selling my classic car sucked!
To paraphrase Mark Twain, I was no longer afraid to die, because I was no longer afraid to live. … Keep ReadingEpisode 34: Seconds from Death and Born Again
¡Estas bien grande!” he greeted: “You are good and big!”
Big. I was Big. And I wasn’t all muscle! … Keep ReadingEpisode 33 – Gordita
Gaining weight wasn’t as awful as I expected … Keep ReadingEpisode 33 Behind the Scenes: Getting chubs
I cried. I couldn’t remember the last time I held felt so happy. Life never tasted quite so sweet. … Keep ReadingEpisode 32 – Out of Control
I’ve injured every disk in my lumber spine. When the doctor told me absolutely no more surfing or yoga…well, that was almost too much to bear. … Keep ReadingInjury
Visions of my death, feeling emotions in my hands, viewing my thoughts from outside my brain – Something is happening to me. Something is waking within me. And it is powerful. … Keep ReadingI am Going the a Major Shift in Consciousness
Essentially you let yourself feel your hunger and decide not to do anything about it. Sounds like starving yourself right? I’m conflicted. Let me lay in out … Keep ReadingWhen the Doc Says to Lose Weight
Help! I’m dating the cartel!
“I was able to make out the words ‘jail’ and ‘money’. But I wasn’t in real danger was I?” … Keep ReadingEpisode 31 – Dangerous Men
I never knew where we were going, why we were going there, how long we would stay, how we would eat or where we would sleep. … Keep ReadingEpisode 30 – More Brushes with the Cartel
Yeah, but can you really live without money? … Keep ReadingEpisode 30 Behind the Scenes: Why I didn’t turn and run immediately
He preferred to eat octopus and sleep in a hammock. This man had found a second way…a way that was starting to resonate with me. … Keep ReadingEpisode 29 – Money is Optional
Yeah, but can you really live without money? … Keep ReadingEpisode 29 Behind the Scenes: Subsistence
There was no Yelp, no Google business listings. There is just the guy who knows a guy who can bring you to that guy. But I didn’t know any of these guys. I was alone. … Keep ReadingEpisode 28 – Alone, Voiceless and Trapped
What ended up being wrong with the truck after six mechanics? … Keep ReadingEpisode 28 Behind the Scenes: What happened to the truck?
The options were either going home and calling my adventure quits, or losing everything I owned … Keep ReadingEpisode 27 – Burning the Ships
I’m working on a book. Yup, a real book that comes with real paper. Something you can hold in your hand and pass along to a friend. But I’m really doubting myself. … Keep ReadingCookies and Sex, Desire and Shame
When I had to break my lease, but my house was full of stuff and I was in Mexico… … Keep ReadingEpisode 27 Behind the Scenes: What happened to everything I owned?