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I See Dead People

a chill clearly spread from my feet up to my shoulders. I wiped actual cold sweat from my brow. The edges of my vision went black. I took a deep breath and it hurt.
“Yo creo que si.” Carl said in his matter of fact, monotone voice. … Keep ReadingI See Dead People

Episode 19 – Leaving

Adrenaline and good music pumped as I crossed the California border. Here we go, here we go, here we go! The cruise was set to 80 mph. I hugged the left lane and I felt I could take on the world….
WHAM! SMACK! I screamed, the cur lurched left. … … Keep ReadingEpisode 19 – Leaving

Stress and Stuff

People keep asking me how I afford what I’m doing, but I’m asking the same question of them.
People keep saying, “It must be nice not to have to spend the majority of your day working.” And I just reply, “It must be nice to own a toaster and a nativity set.” … Keep ReadingStress and Stuff

Episode 15 – Giving Up

The idea was planted in my head to take an extended surf vacation. I couldn’t stop obsessing on it. I realized that, at thirty-two years old, I was suddenly handed a second chance in life. I realized the opportunity to travel had returned. If I didn’t go this time, I might never be able to go again. … Keep ReadingEpisode 15 – Giving Up

What’s the Point of Surfing Heavy Waves?

Imagine a lifetime of refusal to let go, refusal to suffer loss. Do we ever experience the depths of soul connection living this way? Do we ever soar?  Or do we just settle for safe subject like the annoying boss and the bank account. Do we come home to the safety of mediocrity day after day only to wake up one day in a hospital bed facing the end of our lives and releasing we’ve never really lived? We guarded our hearts against loss, and we missed out on love, real love. I risk, because I want to experience the grandness of it all. … Keep ReadingWhat’s the Point of Surfing Heavy Waves?

Episode 14 – Hitting Bottom

At some point, I became aware that my mind was in a very dark place. I had traveled into the darkest space of my soul. I was terrified, yet enticed to go deeper. Thoughts of blackness filled my mind, longings for a place of nothingness, thoughts that coaxed me further in the direction of letting go, for good. What was the point? … Keep ReadingEpisode 14 – Hitting Bottom

Episode 13 – Detaching

I began to entertain thoughts of divorce–or at least legal separation–to protect myself and my business. I called my lawyer. He said he wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up dead, my body dumped off the pier. He said he had seen the situation a hundred times, and the longer the abused party allowed the abuser to carry on, the more dangerous it became … Keep ReadingEpisode 13 – Detaching

Culture Shock in San Diego

Being in San Diego has been a bit trippy
Being outside of all of this for a while has given me a fresh perspective.
I walked through the open air market in Ocean Beach last week, literally speechless. Everyone has their identity. They pay good money to maintain their identity. Surfer, punk, yoga girl, yuppy housewife, everyone has a look. Their look says a lot about what they are into, and that is the point. … Keep ReadingCulture Shock in San Diego