I See Dead People

August 2018

It had been a long day and a half without waves. The swell had completely dropped plus we had 20 knot kinds. Being camped out on a deserted beach without anything to do, the four of us were bored.

Across some sand dunes in the distance, Salome told us there was another point break without road access. The day was cooling off so we grabbed hats and water bottles and set off on a hike, just to get some exercise and see what else there was to see.

After a while we fell into a silence, the wind was blowing so hard across the sand dunes that it made it hard to hear each other. We had to keep our sunglasses on to keep sand out of our eyes.

It was beautiful. To one side a crystal blue ocean, a pristine beach without a man made structure in sight; to the other side rose massive yellow sand dunes. It took us close to an hour to crest the dunes.

On the back side of the dunes, sheltered from the wind, there was more vegetation. Through a thicket of cactus and briers, we worked our way down through a narrow path cut by machete, undoubtedly by some fisherman.

“Cuidado con las espinas, Melanie” Salo warned me emphatically. At least that is what I thought he said. But I am still struggling with my spanish.

What I thought I heard was to watch out for large thorns sticking out of the ground that can (and do) pierce through flip flops. What he was actually warning me about was a specific green plant he was pointing out.

Having not understood his warning, I didn’t heed it either. I stepped right on the prickly plant, sticking one leave right between my pinky and fourth toes. I yelped a bit. It stung, not awful, but enough, like getting bit by ants or something.

“Cuadrado Momi! That’s what I said not to touch!”

“This hurts! How long will this burning last?” I ask.

“Maybe like 10-15 minutes” He says calmly.

“Seriously?! This really hurts!”

We continued walking. About 3 minutes later I felt a shiver pass over my body and noticed my shoulders felt very cold despite the fact that it was almost 90 degrees.

Then I noticed my vision seemed weird, like puddles were forming in the bottom of my eyes.

Then my heart started hurting a bit with each beat and my throat felt like is was closing up. I could still breath just fine, it was hard to take a deep breath. Only 5 minutes or so had passed since I first touched the plant.

Was I imaging all these things? I wondered. …None of the symptoms are severe. Maybe I should just keep walking. I don’t want to worry anyone…..

…oh shit, I think it’s getting worse. If I don’t say something soon -what if I have a serious allergic reaction and time is critical in getting me help?….or maybe I’m just being a baby….

“Hey guys? No me siento bien.” I told them calmly I didn’t feel good. But then a wave of panic gripped me and my breathing became more labored. I start crying.

They guys and I all waited for me to calm down. We stood around discussing what to do for about 2 minutes. Salo seemed convinced it would pass.

And Just like that it did. It had been less than 10 minutes since I touched the plant and I felt as good as new. Just a little shaken up.

I’m such a cry baby. Did I just make that whole thing up for attention? Was I fine all along?

We kept walking. Eventually we came to another ridge with a small horseshoe beach below. The guys wanted to keep on searching for the other surf spot so I told them I would just wait for them on the small deserted beach.

While I waited I noticed there were these rock formations on the other side of the beach. They were unlike anything I’d ever seen. Something about them begged to be explored. The closer I got, the more intricate they looked.

They were essentially large pillars of rock, standing from 15-40 feet tall and 3-10 feet in diameter. They were filled with hundreds of tiny caverns each. They were littered around one section of the beach, forming a kind of “rock garden” that begged to be explored from within. It reminded me of a place I had visited in a national park in Colorado while on a family vacation, called “Garden of the Gods.”

As I walked closer the first thing I noticed was that the pillars seemed to me like the foundations of an old house that has collapsed in ages ago. I wondered if maybe these pillars were the center of a cliff that used to live there. Maybe thousands of years of pounding waves had whittled the whole thing away until only the oldest and toughest part of the rock remained, forming these pillars. Now, I don’t know the first thing about geology, but I liked this idea and I began to imagine all the things these rocks had seen over the span of their existence.

Coming within 50 feet of the pillars I stopped dead in my tracks. Some energy seemed to rush out at me, and it didn’t feel friendly. I looked closely at the nearest pillars. And suddenly I saw him.

The gnarled skull of a dead centurion stood guard at the front of the garden – hunched over and carrying a pitchfork. I could clearly see his image in the caverns and grooves in the rock. It became clear that the first pillar was not a pillar at all, but rather a 15 foot tall armed guard. I exaggerate not, anyone could plainly see the rock looked just like a bent over old skeleton.

But something told me I had to pass by that guard. I had to go inside. I walked closer. The closer I got the more detail I could see in the rock, his bony fingers clutching a lantern, his sunken in cheekbones. Then I saw there were more figures in the rock beneath is boots. He stood on a rock that looked like a pile of crushed skulls. I walked closer. My heart beat faster.

Two opposing energies were tangible. The energy of guard, warning me to stay away, and some kind of vortex seeming to suck me right into the middle of the garden. I walked closer.

Finally I was close enough to touch the pile of skulls. They were so life like now, some of them had twisted up expressions on their face. I extended my hand.

I pulled it back. But I had to do it. I placed the tip of my index finger on the rock. Energy shot through my finger and up through my arm.

I placed both hands on the rock. I felt like I was an iphone, with a nearly dead battery, and then getting plugged in, a charge was coming up through the rock and into my hands. I wrapped my arms around the rock and pressed my whole body into the legs of the beast that stood guard.

As I continued to wander through the garden each rock took on life as I passed by. There was a dead women, clutching two dead children in her arms. There was an old man with a long pointing beard. There was a dead couple still holding hands.

The more I walked the stronger and healthier I felt. Eventually I knew I need to walk back to the other side of the beach so the boys could see me when they returned from the path above. Just as I exited the garden the guys rounded the bend. I climbed back up to join them for the return trip.

“Oya, me encanta esa playa, es magico!” I tell the guys the beach is magical. I tell them about the faces in rock and how they look like scary dead people but really they are just old souls trapped in the cliff for thousands of years.

Salome says he’s never been down there, but it certainly could be.

As we walk I wonder If I was still being a drama queen. Like, c’mon, it was just rocks. Maybe the faces were not as clear as I described them to be. Maybe I had just made up a big fantasy in my head.

Ouch! I think in my head but say nothing aloud as I once again step on the same prickly venomous plant. This time I wasn’t going to make a big deal of it since I knew it would pass.

I observed very closely my body. I wondered if maybe last time I had made up the strange body sensations and perhaps I was just a drama queen.

I paid careful attention as a chill clearly spread from my feet up to my shoulders. I wiped actual cold sweat from my brow. The edges of my vision went black. I took a deep breath and it hurt.

I kept walking and 10 minutes later I returned to feeling normal. No I definitely did not make up anything that day. I felt what I felt.

Learning to listen to my body is probably my favorite part of my life right now. It comes from a place of deep seeded trust that there is some ancient wisdom instilled in my body that if followed will surely lead not just my body, but my life, into best possible health.

This morning I surfed 45 minutes. The waves were fun and the tide was right. I feel I “should” be surfing 3-4 hours a day if conditions allow it.

-It will help me reach my goal of big wave surfing faster

-It will make me lean and sexy

-After all, what other purpose does my life have right now? If I’m not surfing, I’m wasting my life.

But my shoulder were tired and I had already had several very nice waves.

So I went in at 8am, and I likely will not go back out again until 7pm. In the meantime I am resting. It is really hot and it feels good to do nothing. My body likes it.

But I’ll reach my goal of big wave surfing slower! But I have this layer of chub to burn off!

But my body knows what is best for my life. Perhaps what is best is to never reach the goal of big wave surfing, perhaps there is something even better coming if I just make space for it. Perhaps it is better to be at this weight, to have overall better energy. I’ve actually noticed that as soon as I lose more than 5 pounds my body instantly gets sick. It’s almost like losing weight is a signal to my body that I’m working too hard at something and so my body forces a rest. So maybe the fact that I’m listening, and I’m not forcing myself to surf as much, is actually opening the door for something so much bigger and better that I would have otherwise missed because I was too focused on MY goal.

But my body knows! And the cool thing is that the more I listen the more really cool rewards I get like being so in tune with what I’m feeling that I can actually feel the soul inside a rock.

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