I broke up with indoor cardio a long time ago…
I do enjoy cardio, when it involves running on the beach, surfing, playing soccer, hiking or riding my bike on a wooded path. I love the feeling of pushing my heart rate. I love how fit and strong I feel when I’m consistent with my cardio. When I’m consistently enjoying cardiovascular exercise a few times per week it’s as if I have more energy and stamina for all of the things I enjoy/need to do. Cardio is awesome.
Cardio machines, on the other hand, are the devil.
Elliptical trainers, stairmasters, treadmills and rowers – just shoot me now! Does anyone actually enjoy those things?! Well, I certainly don’t.
I have awful memories of my “hating my body days” (which, let’s be honest, were not that long ago and still come around now and then) when every time I felt tempted to eat something I deemed “bad” I would threaten myself with “a minute of cardio for each calorie I eat”
But It’s cold!
But I’m visiting family in michigan for five weeks. The average high temperature has been about 29 degrees fahrenheit (-2 celsius), it is icy and grey outside. I haven’t seen sunshine since I arrived. Going for a run in the woods with snow boots sounds awful.
I’m okay with skipping out on cardio for a while due to bad weather. So I joined a gym for the month and have been focusing on strength training, which is also something I enjoy but don’t do much of. Normally I’m so active outdoors that is doesn’t leave a lot of time and energy for the gym. So this is a nice change of pace for my body and my brain.
But then I injured my back in a non-exercise related incident. Great, there goes weight training too. Now what?
I still feel better if I get some physical activity in my day. With weights and outdoor cardio out of the question that doesn’t leave me with a lot of enjoyable options. One thing I can do to help with my training for big wave surfing is apnea practice, or breath holding. So last night I stepped on the elliptical to do some apnea intervals.
Cardio with a (non-weight loss) goal.
The most effective way to train breath holding is to simulate a wipe out. I do this by completing a sprint interval (say 30 seconds maximum effort on the elliptical as if I just paddled for and caught a wave) and then without taking a breath in, holding my breath for as long as possible while reducing the speed and intensity on the machine, but still moving.
I stepped off the elliptical feeling like a rockstar last night after 30 minutes of high intensity interval training along with apnea training. My endorphins were through the roof after completing something really challenging and I was pouring sweat. I glanced at the display on the elliptical which was now flashing at me. It read “Calories Burned: 486”.
Calories, I had forgotten all about those!
Instantly my mind jumped to old thinking patterns. “Wow, if I did this every day for a week that would come out to almost 3500 calories which is what it takes to burn a pound of fat. If I did this for 10 weeks that would be 10 pounds.”
I caught myself right away, before I had even finished the thought really. I knew I wasn’t doing cardio to try to burn calories in order to lose weight. I was doing it to train for surfing big waves, to feel strong, healthy and happy.
But just the sight of the words “calories burned” put me into toxic weight loss mode.
Cardio=Hungry, but of course!
As soon as I left the gym I felt very hungry. Duh, I had just burned 486 calories plus how many ever more calories with the 25 minutes of core work and yoga I completed after cardio. I thought of stopping at the gas station for a protein bar (my favorite treats!). A nasty diet culture thought instantly popped into my head, “Those things have like 300 calories, that would pretty much cancel out my workout.”
Cancel out my workout… WHOA! Wait a sec, my workout had nothing to do with calories. My workout was because I WANTED to workout, because it felt good, and because I’m working toward a surfing goal. Where did the idea of burning calories come from? Old, toxic, deeply entrenched thoughts.
Toxic Thinking
And if I’m really honest it’s still bugging me. After the gym I had dinner plans with a girlfriend but not for another two hours. My family was sitting down to dinner when I arrived home and my mom had made enough for me. I skipped the protein bar so I was still very hungry. I ate a small meal with them and two hours later a large meal with my friend. I kept checking in my my hunger while eating my meal with my friend. I kept feeling like I “should” be full. But I wasn’t. So I kept eating. At some point I noticed I probably was full but the food tasted good and I wanted to keep eating.
The internal dialog still haunts me!
I had an internal war for a few minutes, “This tastes so good but I’ve probably had enough. I really want to finish it. I don’t know if I’m really full or if I just want more because it taste good. But I do want more. Am I full? Ah I can’t tell! I should be. But I want more! So then I should eat more. But what if I over eat? I should just stop eating now, use a little will power. But the fact is that I want to eat, so I should honor that. But I’d really like to shed a few pounds before I go to Hawaii.”
In the end I listened to the part of me that knew the research: If you want to eat, you should. I finished my food. I felt satisfied, a little overly fully but not bad.
Feeling Fat, is that even a thing?
But I also felt guilty and fat.
This morning the first though on my brain was weight loss. It has been a long time since that has happened. It felt awful. I was thinking about how I ate more than I needed last night and how I “undid” my workout. I shook myself out of my toxic weightloss mode. I vowed to really listen to my body today, to honor my hunger and my desires, just like I had done last night.
And guess what, I wasn’t hungry for breakfast. I had eaten enough last night to hold me through the entire morning. It was 11:30 AM before eating even sounded good. Guess what? My body and my desires can be trusted.
Desire to eat is just as important as hunger.
Maybe I wasn’t physically hungry for all that food last night, but I was hungry in some way. I wanted to eat what I ate and I honored that. If I eat when I want to eat, what I want to eat, my body will correct itself.
It is not “over eating” even if I wasn’t physically hungry for all that I ate. It is just eating, and then not eating until I want to eat again. It is so simple, I can’t believe it actually works. I never want to think about calories ever again if I can help it!
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