Day 472
The water was perfectly warm, the sun perfectly hot. The plummeting cliff line of the Bukit Peninsula of Bali contrasted with the turquoise water to create a breathtaking arena for surfing. I hadn’t needed to set an alarm to get up for an appointment in over a year. I felt strong and filled with energy. I had just left my friend’s house, were the two of us had shared a healthy breakfast and laughed our heads off about boys and who knows what. The waves were well over head, providing lots of opportunities for barrels and hacking turns. The crowd was light, the wind was perfect. I couldn’t think of a single thing more to ask for.
I paddled for and missed five waves in a row. I was frustrated. I knew why I was missing them, too, I wasn’t in the right spot to catch the wave, but moving to the correct spot meant making a drop where the wave was broke much faster and much heavier than my skill level allowed. I just wasn’t there.
I got impatient. I moved deeper, toward the faster part of the wave. A set came. I didn’t think I could make it, but I was too impatient to care. I knew before I took the last paddle that I was too deep, but I had seen other people make steeper drops. If they can, then I can!
I couldn’t. The lip picked me up and tossed me like I was weightless. I was used to this. The time underwater was extensive. I was used to this. I went limp and waited for the beating to end. I came up gasping. I was used to this. Another wave poised to break over me. I was used to this, too. And I was used to the rest of the pattern, as the next several waves washed me hundreds of yards from where I wanted to be, leaving me breathless and exhausted, with a long paddle back to the spot where I had started. It’s like running the 0.2 miles at the end of a 26.2 mile marathon. You’ve survived so much, but the hardest part is finishing it out.
The Voice told me I should be able to do it. if I couldn’t, then I was still a crappy surfer. The Body told me I wasn’t ready.
Ask any surfer–it is such a mental sport. It is 100% mental. It is also 100% physical. When the conditions are demanding, you have to be in perfect shape, have technical ability and have your mind in the game. A bad session can make you question everything.
Get out of your head Melanie. If you expect to fail, you will. Commit commit commit. I chose a wave that looked almost makeable. I tried to commit, but The Body rebelled. The Body lifted its own chest against the strength of my will, causing my weight to shift backward ever so slightly, but just enough to allow the wave to pass me by, ensuring I would not endure the same painful fate as last time.
At some point, The Body knows best. But I was starving for success.
Another set came. This time I was pissed enough at myself that I swore that I would go, no matter what, and I did. I took back control of my unruly body! I make it to my feet, only to drop too low and make too slow of a turn, and the wave exploded behind me like a bomb, shooting me forward. More time under water, more waves on the head, more paddle battle.
Just as I was about to break free and make it back to the take-off zone, another set rolled through. I couldn’t quite make it over. I knew I was going to get smashed before it happened. That’s it, screw it! I turned my board to face the beach and let the white water wash me in, completely defeated, too mentally and physically spent to try again. The entire ordeal took about forty-five minutes. I fucking hate surfing!
I was crying as my feet hit the sand, the inner dialog talking its familiar shit.
You suck at surfing. You are not a surfer. Give it up! Just admit you suck and stick to small waves. Find a nice man and have babies. Go back to the guy with the beachfront mansion! The Voice harangued.
“But I just need to practise more. I’m still learning!” I fought back.
How are you going to practice more when your lack of fitness makes you give up after forty-five minutes? You big fatty! Look at those other surfers out there, taking sets on the head. See how lean they are? It’s your fitness level that is lacking. You need to run more. You need to lose at least ten pounds even to be safe out there. And now you are going to be done after just forty-five minutes? What kind of a workout is that? I bet you are just going to go home and eat food now, and get even fatter!
The problem is your diet. The Voice was on a role. You eat way too much and you know it! You need to lean in to the hunger. You need to sit with the discomfort of being hungry. Now that awful voice was starting to sound like Yoga Melanie, and I was getting so confused.
“NO, please no! I can’t handle going back to being hungry. Please, please, there has to be another way. I’m still recovering from my eating disorder. I have to trust my hunger signals. I choose to believe my Body knows what’s best for my body!”
Oh, poor baby. The Voice knew it was losing, so it tried a different approach. You are just so confused because you don’t know how to be uncomfortable. Remember all those teachings you’ve read about being present, about not trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings? Hunger is just one of them. You are strong enough. You can do it!
“Well, maybe I could try the keto diet for a week. I’ll be tired, but I could just push through. Or, wait a sec, how about the fruitarian diet? Yes, that one gave me a ton of energy!” I was starting to see The Voice’s point.
Yes, yes, that’s right! Controllllll, take back control! The Voice loved my new train of thought.
“No! Snap out of it! Every diet always works, I always lose weight, and then I always gain it back, plus more. NO!”
I walked back from the beach, crying, wondering why I sucked at surfing, why I was so fat, why I couldn’t just eat less and why I even cared about any of this. I had been through this enough times to know that I should go to the behaviors that I knew were safe, even though I don’t want to: a healthy, balanced meal, admitting to a friend how much I was in my head about body image, and then to my journal to write about it.
__________
*some names have been changed to protect privacy
__________
Want to receive the Audio Version of “100 Day’s in Mexico”? Subscribe with your email for free audio episodes emailed to you weekly.
Oh Yeah! Send Me the Episodes!
If you liked this episode a Behind the Scenes Video Commentary is available for Insiders only.
While you wait for more episodes from “100 Days in Mexico” you can read a lot more content in the VIP section: Become an Insider.
English
https://afsgsdsdbfdshdfhdfncvngcjgfjghvghcgvv.com
Hi, this weekend is pleasant in favor of me, as this moment
i am reading this wonderful educational article here at
my home.
It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this excellent blog!
I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
I look forward to fresh updates and will talk about this blog with my Facebook group.
Talk soon!
Hi there, I discovered your web site via Google at the same time as looking for a similar matter, your site got here up,
it seems good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hello there, simply turned into alert to your blog thru Google, and found
that it is truly informative. I’m gonna be careful for brussels.
I’ll be grateful if you happen to continue this in future.
Many other folks can be benefited from your writing.
Cheers!
Hey would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re
using? I’m looking to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a
tough time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for
something completely unique. P.S
My apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!
It’s really a great and helpful piece of information. I’m satisfied that you
shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us informed like this.
Thank you for sharing.
I am genuinely delighted to read this webpage posts which carries
lots of helpful data, thanks for providing these kinds of
data.
Hey! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4!
Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to
all your posts! Keep up the superb work!
Wow, that’s what I was exploring for, what a stuff!
present here at this blog, thanks admin of this website.
I absolutely love your blog.. Great colors & theme.
Did you create this web site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking
to create my own personal website and would love to know
where you got this from or what the theme is named.
Kudos! quest bars http://bit.ly/3C2tkMR quest bars
Amazing! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a entirely different subject
but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Great choice
of colors! asmr https://app.gumroad.com/asmr2021/p/best-asmr-online asmr
I love reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!
scoliosis surgery https://0401mm.tumblr.com/ scoliosis surgery
I like what you guys tend to be up too. Such clever
work and reporting! Keep up the awesome works guys I’ve added you guys to my blogroll.
scoliosis surgery https://coub.com/stories/962966-scoliosis-surgery scoliosis
surgery
Zithromax
Greetings! Really practical information With this distinct posting! It’s the tiny variations that produce the most significant changes. Thanks for sharing!
Actually appreciate you sharing this post.Many thanks Once more. Jacki Righi
Prednisone
fantastic points altogether, you just received a emblem new reader.
What may you suggest about your submit that you just made some days ago?
Any certain?
Hello there There. I discovered your web site the utilization of msn. That is a very smartly created article. I’ll be sure you bookmark it and return to browse additional of your respective beneficial details. Thanks with the put up. I’ll certainly return.
Wow, this paragraph is nice, my sister is analyzing such
things, therefore I am going to inform her.
Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO?
I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted
keywords but I’m not seeing very good results. If you know
of any please share. Kudos!
what happens if a woman takes propecia
Buy Non Prescription Viagra Online
ivermectin brand name
Cialis 20mg Ligne
75783 346291A thoughtful insight and suggestions I will use on my site. Youve certainly spent some time on this. Congratulations! 324396
kamagra 100 mgs
Generic Viagra 100mg
854156 700490I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is greatest for every person, best both for the body and the mind. 705053
Ronymngainna acheter cialis au quebec https://www.apriligyn.com Precio Priligy 30 Mg Katitfasmisp
190665 625176Totally composed content material material , thankyou for data . 113104
276752 781945I like this web weblog very a lot so significantly superb information . 612283
Very good blog.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.
370892 198982I was trying to discover this. Really refreshing take on the details. Thanks a whole lot. 210557
818728 393732Im not positive why but this weblog is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my finish? Ill check back later and see if the issue nonetheless exists. 121442
660239 4386As being a Newbie, Were permanently exploring online for articles which can be of aid to me. Many thanks 897106
stromectol pill for humans – stromectol ireland stromectol in canada
626628 190241Wow you hit it on the dot we shall submit to Plurk in addition to Squidoo well done انواع محركات الطائرات | هندسة نت was wonderful 981068
545389 728769You should participate in a contest for among the best blogs on the internet. I will recommend this site! 642030
15588 339273This site can be a walk-through its the info you wanted concerning this and didnt know who to ask. Glimpse here, and you will undoubtedly discover it. 576336
675222 864573For anybody who is interested in enviromentally friendly items, might possibly surprise for you the crooks to keep in mind that and earn under a holder basically because kind dissolved acquire various liters to crucial oil to make. every day deal livingsocial discount baltimore washington 141468
425652 787558Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any solutions to protect against hackers? 518242
138413 827692I dont leave lots of comments on a lot of blogs each week but i felt i had to here. Do you require a lot of drafts to make a post? 399410
906684 696744quite excellent post, i definitely adore this website, go on it 657745
229177 911295Some truly excellent articles on this website , thankyou for contribution. 272404
394391 572521 Spot on with this write-up, I truly feel this site needs a lot more consideration. Ill probably be again to read a lot much more, thanks for that information. 641453
109540 944636You created some decent points there. I looked more than the internet for any issue and found most individuals goes as properly as with your web website. 110113
Major thanks for the blog article.Really thank you! Much obliged.
265890 436640hello!,I love your writing very a lot! 644545
Touche. Sound arguments. Keep up the great work.
cialis dosage Is a recomp feasible for my situation
If you are going for most excellent contents like me, simply go to see
this web page daily as it provides feature contents, thanks
Howdy! Someone in my Myspace group shared this
site with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely enjoying the
information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Wonderful blog and superb design.
Appreciating the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer.
It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Great
read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
Dear immortals, I need some wow gold inspiration to create.
WamIxQRrNley
UtQqlmcJIyZTXB
TPrUJFEbvj
KpUZOPCil
รับทำเว็บไซต์ผิดกฏหมาย ดูหนังโป๊ฟรี เราพร้อมให้บริการรับทำเว็บพนัน ครบวงจรจบในที่นี่ที่เดียวตอบโจทย์ทุกความต้องการงานคุณภาพในราคาย่อมเยาว์จ่ายจบไม่มีจุกจิกไม่มีบวกเพิ่มมีให้บริการทุกประเภทเกมเดิมพันเช่นกีฬาฟุตบอลคาสิโนบาคาร่าสล็อตยิงปลาและหวยเชื่อมต่อตรงค่ายเกมด้วยระบบAPIพร้อมทั้งออกแบบเว็บไซต์LandingPage,MemberPageและดีไซน์โลโก้ภาพโปรโมชั่นแถมVideoสำหรับโปรโมทพร้อมระบบหลังบ้านอัจฉริยะรวมถึงระบบฝาก-ถอนอัตโนมัติรวดเร็วบริการรับทำเว็บพนันที่มีให้คุณมากกว่าใครพร้อมฟีเจอร์มากมายที่คุณจะได้เมื่อทำเว็บพนันกับเรารับทำเว็บไซต์พนันเว็บพนันslotรับทำเว็บไซต์ผิดกฏหมายพนันคาบาร่าสลอตหวยของผิดกฏหมายหวยลาวดูหนังโป๊ฟรีเว็บไซต์ดูหนังโป๊ออนไลน์ยอดนิยมสามารถรับชมผ่านมือถือและคอมพิวเตอร์ได้หนังโป๊หนัง18+คลิปโป๊จากทั่วทุกมุมโลกมีทั้งหนังโป๊ไทยXXXPORNหนังเอวีJAVหนังโป๊เกาหลีหนังโป๊แนวซาดิสส์หีสวยๆเนียนๆและหมวดหนังเกย์คัดสรรแต่หนังโป๊ใหม่ๆและอัพเดทในทุกๆวันพร้อมคุณภาพความชัดและความเด็ดคัดโดยนักโพสที่มีความเงี่ยนและมืออาชีพขอบคุณและโปรดอย่าพลาดที่จะรับชมหนังโป๊ของเรารับเปิดเว็บพนันรวมค่ายเกมชื่อดังไว้ให้คุณ SAGaming,PGSLOT และอื่นๆอีกมากมายคาสิโนออนไลน์ฝากถอนไม่มีขั้นต่ำรองรับวอลเล็ทปลอดภัย100%คาสิโนออนไลน์ฝากถอนไม่มีขั้นต่ำเว็บตรงรองรับวอลเล็ทเล่นผ่านมือถือระบบออโต้100%สมาชิกง่ายไม่มีขั้นต่ำรวมเกมคาสิโนยอดนิยมมาตรฐานระดับสากลความปลอดภัยอันดับ1ผู้ให้คาสิโนเว็บตรงทำรายการฝากถอนได้อย่างสะดวกรวดเร็วทันใจรองรับการทำรายการกับธนาคารได้ครอบคลุมทุกสถาบันและยังรองรับการให้บริการแก่นักเดิมพันผ่านทางTrueMoneyWalletคาสิโนที่ดีทีสุด2024ทุกช่องทางที่เราเปิดให้บริการแก่นักลงทุนทุกท่านนั้นมีความสะดวกรวดเร็วในด้านการให้บริการในระดับสูงและยังกล้าการันตีความปลอดภัยในด้านการให้บริการเต็มร้อยคาสิโนออนไลน์นอกเหนือจากการเปิดให้บริการแบบไม่มีขั้นต่ำแล้วนั้นเว็บคาสิโนเรายังจัดเตรียมสิทธิประโยชน์และศูนย์รวมเว็บพนันออนไลน์ค่ายใหญ่ครองใจนักเดิมพันอย่างต่อเนื่องรับเปิดเว็บพนันออนไลน์ออกแบบเว็บไซต์คาสิโนออนไลน์ทุกรูปแบบพร้อมเชื่อมต่อค่ายเกมส์ดังด้วยAPIโดยตรงกับทางผู้ให้บริการเกมส์พร้อมเกมส์เดิมพันมากมายอาทิเว็บสล็อตเว็บเดิมพันกีฬาเว็บเดิมพนันE-Sportสามารถออกแบบเว็บพนันได้ตามสั่งลงตัวพร้อมระบบออโต้ฟังก์ชั่นล้ำสมัยใช้งานง่ายรวมผู้ให้บริการชั้นนำและค่ายเกมที่นิยมจากทั่วโลกพร้อมระบบจัดการหลังบ้านอัจฉริยะและทีมงานคอยซัพพอร์ทพร้อมให้บริการคุณตลอด24ชั่วโมง
“Bravo!”
“Keep it up!”
“Excellent!”
“You’re amazing!”
“Bravo!”
“Impressive!”
I’m moved by the powerful message here.
An article that’s as informative as it is inspiring.
qRwmjbExs
wOPpynsFhYjZL
lwmCERoK