Author: admin

How small do you want me to be?

To those men out there who feel the need to insult me, my surfing, and the places I enjoy surfing, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that our society has taught you that you always need to be superior to women especially in acts of bravery and physicality. You were lied to. Seeing a woman capable of expressing her internal strength reminds you that you’ve been running from your own power. And that is terrifying to you.

And now you men are as scared as we women are mad. You are scared that you might have to be everything you were created to be. You are terrified that if women no longer buy the lie of smallness then you will be surpassed. You will have to open your eyes, get off the couch, shut off the TV, stop complaining and actually wake up.

We are rising up. We are angry. We will not be silenced. And we will keep pulling into closeout barrels even if it makes you uncomfortable. … Keep ReadingHow small do you want me to be?

How small do you want me to be?

To those men out there who feel the need to insult me, my surfing, and the places I enjoy surfing, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that our society has taught you that you always need to be superior to women especially in acts of bravery and physicality. You were lied to. Seeing a woman capable of expressing her internal strength reminds you that you’ve been running from your own power. And that is terrifying to you.

And now you men are as scared as we women are mad. You are scared that you might have to be everything you were created to be. You are terrified that if women no longer buy the lie of smallness then you will be surpassed. You will have to open your eyes, get off the couch, shut off the TV, stop complaining and actually wake up.

We are rising up. We are angry. We will not be silenced. And we will keep pulling into closeout barrels even if it makes you uncomfortable. … Keep ReadingHow small do you want me to be?

Episode 7 – Thin Enough

My risky relationship with food progressed and my health issues worsened. I had my hormone levels tested and discovered that I was in early menopause–at 30 years old. My body had stopped producing the hormones needed for childbirth, tricked into thinking I lived in a period of famine … Keep ReadingEpisode 7 – Thin Enough

I’m Having a Fat Day

I think my body is like a scared little feral kitten. She knows she is fierce. She depends on my for her basic needs. But I keep screwing with her. Sometimes I scream at her, sometimes I pinch her, sometimes I refuse to feed her, sometimes I force her to keep eating when she’s already stuffed. … Keep ReadingI’m Having a Fat Day

Episode 4 – Permission

I had no idea how to say no once the ring was on my finger. I’m sure he probably felt the same way. We both had been raised with strict Christian values; neither of us valued ourselves enough to know how to say what we wanted. We did, however, know that we wanted to have sex, and in order to do that we would need to God’s permission. So we got married. … Keep ReadingEpisode 4 – Permission

Episode 3 – Cursed to be Female

I hated my femininity and rebelled against it at every turn. I arm-wrestled boys in Sunday school and played tackle football with them after church. Since I was horribly ugly, I assumed the best way to get boys to like me was to act like them. I got really good at football and snowboarding. But I definitely didn’t get any boyfriends for it. … Keep ReadingEpisode 3 – Cursed to be Female

Insiders Only

Become an Insider or Login to view this content Behind the Scenes -Episode by Episode Video Commentary Questions I am Occasionally Asked Current Stories – Drama, Danger and a Whole lot of Life Lessons Confessions – My Most Personal Writing To access all VIP content first: Become an Insider Current Insiders Login Here. Why Am I Charging for this stuff? My journey has been one of discovering my worth. Along the way I discovered that I am of most service to this world when I commit to only do the things to which my heart screams “Yes Yes YES!” This story is that thing. I am able to produce engaging and authentic content for one reason: I am following my heart, living my adventure, and learning a lot of tough lessons along the way. This lifestyle is the muse. If the content is to continue, I have to keep following my heart. If you find the content valuable then I hope you will subscribe and become a VIP insider. I am dedicated to bringing you a heck of a lot of personal content: VIP access to behind the scenes commentary on the episodes of “100 Days in Mexico” Video blogs for members only Insider access to my current adventures (Like all the trouble that comes along with my Drama Lust) My most personal writing, the stuff that scares the heck out of me to share Ask me anything videos where I answer all your questions on any topic I’m not asking for much, $3.99 per month of you pay at once for the year … Keep ReadingInsiders Only

100 Days in Mexico – Episode by Episode

The best way to navigate this journey with me is to start with Episode 1 Episode 1 – Becoming Enough Episode 3 – Cursed to be Female   Never miss an episode – Sign up to receive a pre-release directly to your inbox. Oh Yeah! Send Me the Episodes! Email Address First Name Last Name BUT WAIT! There’s More! Become an insider to access VIP content VIP access to behind the scenes commentary on the episodes of “100 Days in Mexico” Video blogs for members only Insider access to my current adventures (Like all the trouble that comes along with my Drama Lust) My most personal writing, the stuff that scares the heck out of me to share Ask me anything videos where I answer all your questions on any topic Become an Insider

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[pms-register] Click here to read all Insider content Already a Member? Login Here Why Become an Insider? Receive VIP only content: VIP access to behind the scenes commentary on the episodes of “100 Days in Mexico” Video blogs for members only Insider access to my current adventures (Like all the trouble that comes along with my Drama Lust) My most personal writing, the stuff that scares the heck out of me to share Ask me anything videos where I answer all your questions on any topic Here are some current titles: I’ve Grown, but I’ve also Aged It’s Like Sex with the Ocean I’m Having Some Current Health Issues Three Boys, Two Boards, One Set of Fins PLUS: Episode By Episode behind the scenes video commentary EVEN MORE: Questions I’m Occasionally Asked: How do you decide if it’s too big to surf? What’s your relationship status? What’s your training routine?

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Episode 1 – Becoming Enough

Day 432

My heart raced. I laid my index and middle finger to my neck, timing my pulse. I seriously need to calm down, I thought, knowing that it wouldn’t happen. For an hour, I’d surveyed the breaking waves, judging where I wanted to enter the water, what line I wanted to take on the paddle out, where I wanted to sit among the other surfers.  Most of all, I’d surveyed my inner self, and whether I had what it would take to ride one of those giants … Keep ReadingEpisode 1 – Becoming Enough

The Search

What was supposed to be a vacation in a resort town, turned into a journey from which I have not yet returned. What I have encountered on the road is changing my life forever. Run ins with the cartel, waves the size of houses, earthquakes in the dead of night, broken bones, Latin men, scorpions in my bed and chewing on fish eyeballs were all just the beginning. I went on a journey looking for healing. I expected it to be scary and exciting. What I didn’t expect was that the journey would lead me here, in front of my computer screen, telling my very private story of an eating disorder, a potential cancer scare, a destructive relationship, and a complete and total burnout, publicly to the world!   While my chosen path is a bit different than the typical educated white girl from a middle class Christian family in the midwest, my story is anything but unique. It is the human experience that I now attempt to display in all its raw and sometimes ugly truth. I have no answers, only experiences. It is my hope that in receiving the episodes of my story you will hear only one thing, “That’s me too”. I’m truly so thankful that you have chosen to be a part of my journey. Welcome to the ride!    Ready to go on a road trip?  Strap in. Let’s do this!